What do you do when your soul is aching?
When the very depths of your being stings with pain?
You can pour on alcohol, or put on a bandage, but the scar still seeps with agony
You smile and a tinge of brokenness is the only emotion that washes across your face.
Why am I so hurt?
So many emotions buried, as much as I true to heal, they surface their ugly head
I just want to be okay…
I want to have happiness that doesn’t float away
It’s like a ship being rocked to and fro, the moment you think you’re steady, a heap of water plunges on to the boat’s floor
Why am I not okay?
This messy dichotomy of sadness and happiness, confidence and lack
Most often I feel like I’m drowning, being pulled down by fear, anxiety, depression
I try and I try to rise, but my feet are anchored, buried in the past
I just want relief, to live in the present and not to be swallowed by feelings of inadequacy and grief
Why am I not enough?
Nobody knows my pain, my struggles,
I sit barren face, “serious,” “mean”…
But really I’m just a child screaming to be accepted, to be loved, to be valued
I’m so tired of being misunderstood, of over-explaining, of talking too much
I walk around like an alien, so far removed from society
Nobody understands my wit, my passion, my being
Why am I so different?
I’m trying to be happy, to survive, to beat the odds.
But I find myself here again, struggling, trying to smile, when my heart is filled with so much sorrow
How do I heal alone…How do I heal from things that I continue to have to face
How do I finally be okay?